Lifeline
by windwhisprer
Summary: [oneshot][spoilers][5x8] Hakkai was slipping, but he would always have his lifeline to count on.


**A/N: **Like 58 oneshot I thought up while I was on vacation. It was supposed to be way more angsty then this, but I'm happy with it regardless. Inspired by vol 7 of Reload, so there will be **spoilers.** This is kind of like a practice run for the next big 58 oneshot that I'm going to write. If you liked this, you might want to check it out.

C&C always appreciated.

**Lifeline**

Hakkai had woken up, a gasp catching in his throat as he grabbed his head. It was bad this time, worse then it had been for a long while. He simply sat hunched over the bed for a moment, clutching his head and waiting for the spell to pass. But it wasn't passing. Breathing became difficult and Hakkai realized he needed some fresh air.

The room they were staying in was dark, and everyone was already asleep. Through the shadows and strips of moonlight he could make out Goku sleeping sprawling out over his bed, snoring softly. Sanzo was lying on his side, his back turned to him, and Gojyo was sleeping, his hair covering half of his face as his chest rose and fell with deep, easy breaths.

Hakkai felt himself suffocating in the small room with the four of them, and shakily got to his feet. As quietly as he could, he padded across the hardwood floor and slipped out into the hall. It was difficult to get out of the inn, and Hakkai was grateful there was only one floor and he wouldn't have to deal with any stairs. He made his way slowly along the hall, clutching at his chest before he finally made his way out into the crisp night air.

Hakkai fell on a nearby bench as he held his head. His headache was starting to subside but the twisting pain in his chest was all too real. It was getting worse.

Not long ago Hakkai had faced the all powerful Seiten Taisei in a fight. With Sanzo off somewhere, Hakkai had to stop him. It had been stupid, now that he thought about it, to take off Goku's limiter to heal him. Seiten Taisei kept getting stronger every time they fought him, and this time he'd almost been unstoppable. Seiten was not a demon but a god, and Hakkai nearly died in the fight against him. But if they hadn't done anything then Goku wouldn't be alive right now, and Hakkai would have never forgiven himself.

Taking off his limiters had been his only choice. He'd taken them off before, but not for such a long time. He'd wanted to hold Seiten Taisei down long enough for Gojyo to get the limiter on him. However Seiten wasn't the Great Sage for nothing. Some point during their fight his attention had slipped, and clawing through Seiten's exposed chest had been _fun_. Something in him had cracked, just slightly, and a bit of the Minus Wave's influence had gotten to him. Luckily Gojyo had stopped him before it had gotten any worse.

But it had been enough. Ever since then, Hakkai kept having these… attacks. Something in his mind had cracked all right, and gradually the demon's insanity was leaking into him. He wasn't sure how long it would be until he lost his mind.

Hakkai closed his eyes, his vision slightly off-balanced thanks to the lack of his monocle. He'd been too desperate for air to think about grabbing it, but now he wished he had. His normal eye and the replacement never really synched, and unless he had his monocle, he got fairly bad migraines.

He would go back in, as soon as he knew he was going to be okay.

The night air was crisp in his lungs. Winter was fast approaching and Hakkai wondered how long it would be until this village would see snow. He almost chuckled as the pain in his chest slowly faded, forced away by his sheer determination and iron will. He and Gojyo had gotten together in winter, sometime around Christmas perhaps. How many years had it been? Hakkai didn't know off the top of his head.

It was the reason why Hakkai would not let himself give into the Minus Wave's influence. Gojyo would never forgive him if he lost his mind. He had given Gojyo the responsibility of ending his life if he ever lost his mind, and swore to never have to force his lover to do so. He had been with Gojyo for several years now, and expected several more to come. After finally letting Kanan's death go, he wanted to be able to love and be loved again. And he loved Gojyo. Dearly.

He smiled softly, though it was still slightly pained. He was thankful for this journey, no matter what it cost him in the end. It gave him and Gojyo the chance to grow closer to each other, trust each other in battle and in bed. He got to watch as Goku grew older, more mentally, as it seemed the brunet wouldn't grow any taller. He had watched as Sanzo had begun to let go of his old held habits and had begun to trust them all. He had enjoyed watching the stoic monk's attitude change, even if he didn't realize it.

They had all changed so much, and the journey west had done a lot of good for them all, even if it took a lot from them as well. Hakkai knew they all probably wouldn't live to see the trip home, and Hakkai knew that if he died in India then he would die a happy man. However, he wasn't about to let go this soon. He wasn't going to let the Minus Wave's insanity get to him, no matter how much it hurt him.

They would have to reach India soon, since it was getting harder and harder to keep it back. He feared that one day he wouldn't be able to keep it back entirely.

"Morning, princess," Hakkai looked up sharply at the familiar voice. Gojyo stood in the doorway, dressed in his jeans and take-top, his hair in knots in the back, proving he had just rolled out of bed. When Hakkai looked up into those crimson eyes he felt himself melting. Gojyo always had that effect on him.

Ignoring the nickname, Hakkai gave a polite smile that was strained with exhaustion. "Oh, hello Gojyo. I just needed some fresh air."

"Really? You bolted out of the room pretty fast. I think you even woke Goku up," Gojyo said, still not moving from his place in the doorway. He instead moved to pull his cigarettes from his pocket, lighting one up while he was outside.

A stab of guilt hit Hakkai square in the chest. "I'm sorry… I just needed out…"

Gojyo sighed and took a seat next to him. Silence reigned for a few minutes as Gojyo worked down his cigarette. "I'm not an idiot, Hakkai, I know something's up." Gojyo stubbed out his cigarette on the bench and then turned to look at his lover. "You can tell me what it is."

Sincere honestly and loyalty shone in Gojyo's eyes, it was one of the things Hakkai loved about him. However he knew he couldn't tell Gojyo what was going on. It had been his decision to take off his limiters and now it was his burden to bear. He didn't want Gojyo to know what was going on. "There's nothing Gojyo, I'm fine. Really."

Gojyo didn't seem to accept that answer as his features hardened. "You're lying. I can tell. You haven't been eating or sleeping as much, half the time you look like you're dead to the world. And I've noticed that you're using your chi less and less in battles," Gojyo's face once again shone with concern, and Hakkai felt another stab of guilt. "You've been like this since we fought Seiten Taisei. What's happening to you?"

Seeing how much pain he was causing his lover, Hakkai wished he could scream. "I'm slipping, Gojyo," Hakkai whispered, placing his head in his hands and closing his eyes. "It's because I lost myself for a moment during that battle, and now it's becoming more and more frequent and harder to fight off. I… don't know what I'm going to do."

Strong arms wrapped around him and he was pulled back into the familiar chest he knew all too-well. Gojyo smelt of fresh shampoo tinged with the scent of his cigarettes. It was very comforting, and Hakkai allowed himself to relax back into that hold. "You'll be fine, okay?" a kiss was pressed to his temple and Hakkai smiled. Always count on Gojyo to be optimistic, despite the situation. "I won't let you go crazy. I'll shower you with lots of sex to keep you distracted so you won't lose your mind."

Hakkai chuckled airily, "Pervert," he whispered.

"You know you love me," Gojyo shot back. Hakkai turned so he could capture Gojyo's lips in a slow, easy kiss. His heart swelled as he broke away and stared into Gojyo's eyes again. Gojyo would keep him sane, he knew. All he had to do was look at the redhead and Hakkai felt like everything was going to be okay. Gojyo kept him centered, leveled, and tethered him to himself. Gojyo was his lifeline, and as long as he had him, Hakkai knew he would be all right.

"Come on princess, let's get back to bed," Gojyo said, moving to he could get up.

Hakkai grabbed his wrist, shaking his head. "No, not yet."

He didn't need to say any more. Gojyo simply smiled and nodded, resting back against the bench. With Gojyo's arms still wrapped around him, Hakkai smiled and relaxed into that strong hold. He knew that with Gojyo there, he would be okay. Gojyo had already brought him back once, and Hakkai had faith in him that he would be able to do it again. It was nice being able to place all his trust in someone; he hadn't done so for a long time. Goku and Sanzo he trusted with his life, but Gojyo had so much more then that.

"I love you, Gojyo," Hakkai said, not bothering to turn in the embrace. He was comfortable, and had stared into those eyes so many times in the past, and knew there would be many more to come.

"Love you too, princess," Gojyo replied, the hold on him tightening.

"Could you stop calling me that?"

"Whatever you say, babe."

Hakkai smiled, but didn't bother with it this time. Gojyo had a new pet name for him every time he turned around, and he didn't mind at all. Without them, Gojyo just wouldn't have that same quirky charm that he loved so much. He closed his eyes and relaxed, letting the far off sound of crickets soothe him into sleep.

_Keep me sane, Gojyo; like I know you can. _


End file.
